Today, I got the feeling that it was time to swipe the dust off of the second draft of my novel and get back to work. I got the same feeling a few weeks ago when my iPod shuffled songs that made my story come alive on the way to work. And while this entry may be just the kind of distraction that often creeps up right when you have a mustard seed sized inkling to start again, I thought I'd nudge us both today.
If you were looking for a sign that whatever you're working on, scared to work on, dreaming of working on, will move someone else in a way that God created only you can move them: this is it.
Whilst in the kitchen, eating popcorn for breakfast (which, I don't recommend) and reading A Different Blue by Amy Harmon, it struck me that her protagonist and the mine both share a harsh upbringing. As I pondered how many people out there who share similar realities may be touched by this novel, I thought, how many people may possibly be touched by my own story if I just got over myself and finished it?
Fear is a twisted little addiction. That frenemy who scares you, but comforts you all the same so that you never step out. Over the last few years, I've noticed something about myself. I'm usually fine with new projects until someone notices I'm working on them. Then I'll find a way to convince myself that a few critiques must mean that I'm a talentless nobody, who shouldn't bother with anything. But something happens when you keep psyching yourself out of everything you try. The desire to do something builds up like a balloon and keeps building until the pressure becomes too great.
I have to do something.
Even if I don't know all of the details, what my great calling is, or what the future may lead to. I can't sit around, making a passive decision not to contribute to the world. And so at the moment, I feel like the consequence of never trying because of fear is greater than trying and perhaps being disappointed with the outcome. Maybe even the concept of "crushed dreams" is a shield we throw up to keep ourselves safe from ever having to step out. I think I'll think of these kinds of fears like battle scars. As much as even the thought of not succeeding hurts deeply, risking the same means I mustered the courage to try.
So I say again, if you're looking for a sign that what you're working on will change someone else's life...this is it.